


something to believe in

by big_yikes



Category: Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Backstory, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, How Do I Tag, Kinda, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2019-11-12 02:45:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18002333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/big_yikes/pseuds/big_yikes
Summary: Jack was 12 when he first saw a weak, frail and pale boy left in the corner of a street. The boy wouldn’t speak with Jack, but it was clear he needed help. The boy’s left leg was clearly busted, but there was a hint of hope that maybe, just maybe the boy could walk.He couldn't.





	1. I never planned on someone like you

**Author's Note:**

> it's been five (5) years since I've posted anything on this site and it's the first time I'm writing Newsies so yayyy

Jack was 12 when he first saw a weak, frail and pale boy left in the corner of a street. The boy wouldn’t speak with Jack, but it was clear he needed help.  
“Hey,” he spread out a hand, which he hoped the boy would hold. “Do you need help?”  
The boy didn't say a word, but he nodded and grabbed Jack’s hand.  
“Can ya walk?” Jack lifted the boy up. The boy’s left leg was clearly busted, but there was a hint of hope that maybe, just maybe the boy could walk.  
The boy shook his head and wrapped an arm around Jack to use him like a crutch. He felt his face heating up, but, since it was dark, the boy couldn’t see his face. Hopefully.  
“Well, do ya got somewhere to go back to?” Jack was subconsciously leading the boy to the Manhattan newsboys’ lodging house. Maybe because he hoped the boy would want to stay with them.  
Again, the boy shook his head.  
“If ya ain't got nowhere else to go, ya can come with me to the lodging house and start workin’ with the newsies!”  
The boy now sported a genuine smile. Jack smiled back, his face heating up a bit more.  
“Do ya got a name?”  
The boy finally spoke. "Yes, but ya can just call me Crutchie."  
“Really? Ain’t that a bit degrading?”  
“Not to me, it ain’t,” Crutchie tried slinging his arm off of Jack, but he lost balance right afterwards.  
Jack held Crutchie in both of his arms this time, so that he wouldn’t fall again.  
Also, he just wanted to hold him.  
“Alright then, Crutchie, I’ll take ya to the lodging house. The other boys will like ya, for sure!”  
And they stayed like that until they arrived.


	2. ain't it a fine life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack and Crutchie arrive at the lodging house!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here we go, chapter 2  
> i'd like y'all to know this story has no outline whatsoever, i'm just letting them do what they want

  When Jack took Crutchie back to the lodging house, it was _not_ what he was expecting.

  Maybe it was all the boys running around and yelling in such a small space that threw him off.

  However, as soon as the boys noticed Jack and Crutchie at the door, they all stopped dead in their tracks and stared right through them.

  To say Crutchie was uncomfortable was an understatement.

  As soon as Jack noticed the uncomfortable look on Crutchie’s face, he immediately shooed off the boys to whatever they were doing before.

  It was safe to assume the boys were staring because of the way they were holding each other, not that they cared.

  “Come ‘ere,” Jack tried to lead Crutchie through a fire exit, despite his busted leg. They somehow managed to get to the roof.

  Jack found a spot for Crutchie to sit, instead of having to hold all the time.

  “And this is where I stay! No one knows, at least that I know they know,” Jack started looking around, trying to find something to show off to Crutchie. There was nothing, which made him slightly embarrassed. “Ya can stay up ‘ere too, if ya want. ‘S cheaper than buyin’ a bed.”

  “Can-- can I really?” Crutchie was confused, to say the least; first, this boy was good to him. Then, he offered him a place to stay, a  _ home. _ And now, he’s offering to let Crutchie stay up there, with him.

  This couldn’t be real. At least not for long. After what happened last time he let himself trust someone who  _ seemed _ like Jack, it didn’t end too well.

  Crutchie shouldn’t let himself trust Jack. Yet, he couldn’t help it. Jack seemed genuine enough.

  Jack laughed. “Of course ya can! Nothin’ would make me happier to, well, make ya happy!” that was startling for both boys; Crutchie wasn’t used to affection of that level, and Jack didn’t notice what he said until afterwards. “I mean, I, uhh…”

  The boys both laughed a bit.

  “‘S kinda late now, but tomorrow I can try to find a crutch for ya?”

  “You’s don’t gotta worry ‘bout me.”

  “But I do. And ya gotta walk somehow.”  


  Crutchie decided to give in and let himself be cared for.

  The two slept peacefully in the roof that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here it is  
> if you enjoyed, kudos and comments are appreciated!


	3. me, I'm dyin' to get away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He should be over it.  
> But he wasn’t."  
> a bit of Crutchie's backstory is exposed.

_   Charlie and his brothers were running around and playing on the street, like most children would be. _

_   Until, out of nowhere, Charlie fell down. His leg hurt, but at the same time it was numb. He couldn't move it. _

_   “Pa!” one of his brothers cried out for their father. “Pa, there’s somethin’ wrong with Charlie! He, he fell down! Outta nowhere! And he can’t get up! Pa, ya gotta help him!” _

_   Their father came from inside the house and saw his sons, all on the floor, one of them visibly in pain, and to say he panicked would be an understatement. _

_   “Son, can you walk? Can you get up?” Charlie shook his head. There were tears of pain rolling down his face. _

_   “Boys, help me hold your brother up. We need to take him to a hospital,” Charlie sat there, hopeless, as his brothers and father lifted him up and took him to the nearest hospital, as fast as they could. _

_   Charlie remembered little to nothing of the hospital. Although he vividly remembered what happened afterwards. _

_   “Son,” his father spoke. He saw that his brothers were crying. “I’m sorry.” _

_   "...Pa?” he cried. _

_   “Your mother and I can't keep taking care of you like this,” Charlie felt his heart breaking.  _ What do you mean you can't take care of me?  _ “The cost for the treatment is something we can’t afford, neither can we afford your current state,” his father seemed to have no remorse whatsoever from his actions. _

_   "Pa, please don’t leave him--" one of the brothers spoke up, only to be interrupted. _

_   "Son, quiet. Charlie, I’m very sorry, but I have to say this is goodbye." _

_   And so, his father left. His brothers followed, despite their reluctance being clear. _

_   So there he was, alone, sitting in the cold pavement, without any way of getting up. _

_   Alone. _

  Crutchie woke up in a cold sweat from his nightmare; it had been a few weeks since he’d joined Jack and the newsies. He had a home now. He should be over it.

  He should be over it.

  But he wasn’t.

  “‘Ey,” Jack woke up, taking Crutchie out of his post-nightmare reaction. “Ya gotta stop with ya ‘wakin’ up before the mornin’ bell’ thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is the beginning of the explanation as to why Crutchie wasn't talking in the first chapter.  
> kudos and comments are appreciated!


	4. or could it be--

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the Delancey brothers.  
> Crutchie didn't like the Delancey brothers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly I Apologize for all this Lack Of Plot, I swear the Actual Story is coming

  The Delancey brothers.

  Crutchie didn’t like the Delancey brothers.

  Not for the same reason all of the other newsies didn’t like them.

  Crutchie didn’t like the Delancey because they reminded him too much of his brothers.

  His brothers, who left him to die.

  His brothers, who promised to help him go back home.

  His brothers, who lied to him.

  From their looks to their actions, the Delanceys were far too similar to Crutchie’s brothers for him to be the slightest bit comfortable next to them.

  They made fun of him because of his crutch and they shoved him into the ground all the time, stealing his crutch and laughed.

  They’d do that all the time.

  Until Jack caught them in the act.

  “Don’t touch ‘im,” Jack placed his hand on Crutchie’s shoulder, still staring at the Delanceys.

  The Delanceys were startled, but then turned to laughter again.

  “What’re ya gonna do? Ya don’t look like ya can do anything,” they laughed even more.

  Jack helped Crutchie up, just like when he got him to the lodging house for the first time.

  “Don’t. Touch. Crutchie.”

  They laughed again, making Jack even angrier.

  By now, Jack was done. He kept threatening them, to which they laughed.

  Crutchie couldn’t remember what happened next.

  He just remembers that from that day on, the Delanceys stopped bothering Crutchie.

  At least most of the time.

  But he still didn’t like them.

  They reminded him too much of his brothers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hI this is bad but kudos and comments maybe?


	5. where it's clean and green and pretty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had been a few years since Crutchie had joined the newsies. By now, he was fifthteen (going on sixteen!) and Jack was sixteen, going on seventeen.  
> “I would. Anywhere ya go, I wanna go, too.” Crutchie only realized how the words sounded once he said them, but he didn’t regret it completely. He meant those words, even if he didn’t mean to say them then.  
> “Anywhere I go, I want ya with me.” Jack got closer to Crutchie. “Even Santa Fe would be horrible if ya weren’t with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhhhhh this was a Bad Chapter and it took Way Too Long to be written so I apologize  
> but here, take these words

  It had been a few years since Crutchie had joined the newsies. By now, he was fifthteen (going on sixteen!) and Jack was sixteen, going on seventeen.

  It was night (well, more like very early in the morning) and it was cold. Jack and Crutchie would sleep on the rooftop every night, unless it was raining. Jack was sleeping, but Crutchie couldn’t bring himself to do the same.

  “Jack?” Crutchie was laying down on the rooftop floor. Even after these years, he still couldn’t believe Jack had welcomed him to  _ his _ secret place. “You’s awake?”

  Jack just groaned in response, and Crutchie took that as a yes.

  “Whaddya plan on doin’ in the future?” Crutchie asked. Jack turned his head to face Crutchie, still very tired.

  “Leavin’.” He turned the rest of his body to Crutchie, getting closer. Crutchie felt his face warming up, but, luckily, it was too dark to be visible.

  “Leavin’ and then goin’ where?”

  “Anywhere that ain’t New York.” Jack sat up, seeming to have lost his sleep.

  “...Ya’d leave me here?” Crutchie sat up too. He was scared to seem clingy, despite really not wanting to lose Jack.  _ He ain’t mine to lose anyway. _

  “When’d I say anythin’ ‘bout leavin’ you?” Jack took Crutchie’s hand in his. “My plan was, my plan was to take ya with me. If ya’d want. To come with me.” He got increasingly nervous with every word he spoke; it was hard to swallow the words he longed to say, but he opted not to. It wasn’t something Crutchie needed; more stress on top of him was never a good idea, and the stress of being loved was too much. Too much for him.

  Crutchie laughed. God, Jack loved this boy. “Ya never said where ya plan on goin’!”

  “Well, there’s a place I heard of,” he held Crutchie’s hand a little tighter. “Some folks says it ain’t real, but I now it is. I feel it.”

  “Where’d that be?”

  “Santa Fe.”

  Crutchie broke into a fit of laughter that lasted about 2 minutes. “Santa Fe ain’t real, Jack!”

  “Well, how can ya know?” they were both laughing. “Ya ain’t ever been there!”

  “How can ya know it’s real? Ya ain’t ever been there either!” the laughter stopped as Crutchie stopped to consider: if Santa Fe was real (it wasn’t, Crutchie was sure of it), and he went with Jack, what happens then?

  “‘S mostly wishful thinkin’, if I’s bein’ honest. But if it’s real, would ya like to come with me?” Jack let go of Crutchie’s hand, much to the dismay of both the boys.

  “I would. Anywhere ya go, I wanna go, too.” Crutchie only realized how the words sounded once he said them, but he didn’t regret it completely. He meant those words, even if he didn’t mean to say them then.

  “Anywhere I go, I want ya with me.” Jack got closer to Crutchie. “Even Santa Fe would be horrible if ya weren’t with me.”

  A comfortable silence filled the space between the last words spoken and the morning bell ringing.

  “Time for dreamin’s done.” Jack stood up and helped Crutchie get his crutch. “Ya need help goin’ down?”

  “I don’t need help.” Crutchie spoke, harsher than he meant to.

  “Sorry,” Jack began. “I know ya don’t. But I don’t like seein’ ya struggle. So ya’d be doin’ me a favor.” Jack held out his hand, which Crutchie hesitantly held.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading this Mess of a chapter! kudos and comments make me uwu  
> also yes I know Santa Fe is a real place but appareantly it was held as such a fantasious place some people thought it wasn't so why NOT


	6. no more lyin’

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It started with a feeling.  
> A feeling that Jack felt whenever he was around Crutchie; the feeling that he was safe, no matter the situation. Jack felt safe around Crutchie, in a way he felt with no one else. He felt as if no one else could protect him the way Crutchie could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning's for queer being used in a derrogative way and internalized homophobia

  It started with a feeling.

  A feeling that Jack felt whenever he was around Crutchie; the feeling that he was safe, no matter the situation. Jack felt safe around Crutchie, in a way he felt with no one else. He felt as if no one else could protect him the way Crutchie could.

  It turned into a tingling sense that maybe, just maybe, Jack viewed Crutchie as more than a friend.

  But it couldn't be anything more. They were friends. They’d ever only be friends. Anything more would send them straight into jail.

* * *

 

   It only first occured to Jack he was in love when a question was asked.

  “Jack?” Race, as nonchalant as ever, had a question to ask.

  “What do ya want, Race?”

  “You’s a queer?”

  “What?”  _ No no no no no no no no. I’m not, right? I’m not. I can’t be. _

  “‘S just a question.” Race took a defensive stance upon Jack's response.

  “Why’s you askin’ that question?” Jack was scared, which caused him to take an angered defense to counter.

  “I just wanna know. I ain’t gonna turn ya in, I just wanna know.” Race played the scared card against Jack, which caused the latter to take more defense.

  “What makes ya think that? That I’s a queer.” Jack felt like his defense would be telling too much.

  “Crutchie. How ya act around ‘im?” Race laughed.

_   Fuck. _

  “As far as you’s concerned, or anyone's concerned, there's nothin' goin' on ‘tween me and Crutchie.  _ Nothin’.” _

* * *

 

  Jack would only admit it to himself years later.

  It was hard for Jack to see Crutchie being his usual perfect self without admitting that he was in love.

  He knew the consequences that came with being like that, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

  Not when the most perfect boy in the world was next to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi this took really long and I'm sorry! but it's Here and I'm already working on the next one


	7. let me go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Soon enough, Jack was having a breakdown; all his friends were hurt, his best friend was in the goddamn Refuge, and he didn’t do anything to stop it. He couldn’t do anything about it."  
> you already know what it is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI IT'S BEEN really LONG since I last updated but what can ya do  
> in case it wasn't clear, this is what would be Santa Fe, right after the strike goes horribly wrong

  The strike went horribly wrong, terribly fast.

  Soon enough, Jack was having a breakdown; all his friends were hurt, his  _ best friend _ was in the goddamn  _ Refuge, _ and he didn’t do anything to stop it. He  _ couldn’t _ do anything about it.

_   I failed him. _

  His breathing sped up.

  “I failed him,” he whispered to himself, the sound barely coming out of his mouth.

_   I failed him, I failed him, I failed him. _

  “I failed him,” he spoke louder, but not loud enough for him.

_   I failed him, I failed him, I failed him, I failed him, I failed him. _

  “I failed him!” he yelled; he needed the entire world to know he failed his best friend.

  He had nowhere to turn; none of his friends would want anything to do with him, right? After all, he failed them.  _ All _ of them.

  Nowhere to turn.  _ No one _ to turn to.

  “Crutchie,” he whispered to himself.  _ When he needed me the most, I wasn’t there. I couldn’t save him. _

_   I love him. _

_   I love him, and I couldn’t save him. _

_   I failed him. _

  He could only run.

_Run, run, run, run, run._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhh sorry it's really short but if you liked it consider commenting? please?

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this!  
> kudos and comments feed me and i'm starving so blease


End file.
